How much is too much granola?

So I've joined ADF.  I am rather excited about it.  They are an offshoot of rDNA with more structure and focus, which I need, especially as such a new pagan.  Well, a new practicing pagan anyway.  I am in an ADF grove called Grove of the Red Earth, which is highly fitting.  I am beginning to follow the dedicant program, which I will really start right after Beltane.   That's the barebones technical part of what I have been doing.

The more interesting part is that I have really started to become aware of many things which I was not before, all of which I find fascinating.  Now when one is part of any earth centered tradition, I feel like it's the earth part that really brings us together.  There is that certain pull to nature that I believe we all feel.  Not sure if I'm one hundred percent correct in that assumption but all of the pagans whom I've met so far have been rather fond of nature. 

Now, I have always had this pull.  I never ignored or quashed it, but I never really did anything with it either.  It is an amazing feeling to finally be putting it all together.  My body and spirit are beginning to speak to each other and work in tandem.  

I once thought that paganism was hokey, a bunch of people wrapped up in fantasy novels and myths, calling themselves names like Goddess Diana Catlover....you know what.....those people do exist.  However, there is a realness to paganism if one manages to get beyond that veil.  There is a wealth of deeply ingrained history and dare I say, magic here.  

It is a shame that many people believe still what I used to about it, and I even have to remember to curb my enthusiasm for it at work and in public because no one understands it, and we all know what not understanding something breeds.  Even as a fledgling, I have been gawked at and laughed off. My own boyfriend even thinks it's funny.  He doesn't seem to want to grasp it, though he asks about it at times.  I don't know if he thinks it's just a phase I'm going through.  I am growing increasingly weary of talking to him about it.  

It's been such a long time since I wrote about this that I have so much to say and not a very eloquent way of saying it, since it's all been so bottled up inside me.

A list of concerns I have:

• Choosing, or being chosen by a deity.
• Am I overanalyzing things as totems? Is everything a totem? 
• When am I talking to myself and when are trees talking? This is becoming increasingly difficult to differentiate, especially in Spring.
• I really agonize over memorizing things, but find it easy to do once I stop agonizing.
• Melding pronoia, druidry, and the everyday into one supersonic self.
• How to balance being inquisitive with listening and just pooling knowledge into myself.
• I have so many ideas!!!
• How to portray my revelations without sounding totally insane.

Current books:

• Pronoia is the Antidote for Paranoia- This book is a blast of sunshine to my face.  If you haven't read it, you should.
• Encyclopedia of Celtic Wisdom: A Celtic Shaman's Sourcebook- there is a lot here.  It takes Celtic Myth and breaks it down into pieces with interpretative explanations.  Interesting, but it hasn't bit into me yet.  Might be a bit above my head for now.
• A lot of the recommended dedicant ADF material, the dedicant manual and a few others.  Will write more about them when I am done perusing them and actually get into reading them.

Also, I really wish there was more material on Gallic mythology. Of course I would be most drawn to the pantheon with least catalogued history.  And Tiamat is still an issue.  Where does my favorite creatrix fit into all of this?  I still have more questions than answers, as usual. 

May we never thirst for the waters of life and always remember that if we don't like it, people might.  

I see you.

Concern, conserve.

So I've been reading quite a bit. I joined RDNA (Reformed Druids of North America) RDG (Reformed Druids Gorsedd (or Gaia)) and I'm working on possibly budgeting out enough to do the OBOD courses, which would be -quite- a bit cheaper if I actually lived in Britain. This whole thing has already enhanced and consumed my time much more than I thought it would, which is certainly fine with me. I already feel like a huge void has been filled in my life. I've been a closet treehugger for too long and it's time to come out!

The basis for pretty much all druidic branches, no matter what one reads is pretty much "Be kind to, and love nature in any way you can." Here is a list of the 3 things I have decided to do to reduce my carbon footprint and help Gaia breathe a little easier this year.1. Buy and install a low flow 1.5gpm or less showerhead, and take shorter showers. (I am terrible at this, because I love my showers, but I will have to learn to enjoy them for a shorter period of time, and that's fine.2. Buy organic produce as much as possible. I would put organic meats here as well, but they are somewhat difficult to come by around here for some reason, will revise if I find that this changes.3. Replace most or all of my bath products with natural substitutes. I'll also be doing some reviews on the products I choose to use and putting them here. (Not for any money, just for information.)Bookshelf so far:The Druidry Handbook by John Michael GreerI also recommend Tain and Remscela by Gregory Frost, a decent retelling of the Cattle Raid of Cooley tale.Wishlist:I'm also seriously considering an intentional community.

The Mabinogion Tetralogy by Evangeline Walton
A Druids Herbal for the Sacred Earth Year by Ellen Evert Hopman
Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein (They offer it in PDF format with the course studies in the RDG but I find it is really difficult to read, besides, I prefer hard copies of stuff that I can highlight and put notes on.) and a ton of other books that I'll just link an amazon wishlist for.

Sloughing Season.

I suppose I should begin this with a bit of history.  I grew up Southern Baptist.  I went to church every Sunday and usually Wednesday up until the time I was 17.  From age 5, I knew it wasn't anything I wanted to be a part of.  I suppose a mix of Stockholm Syndrome and a love for not wanting to anger my mother kept me from asking too many questions, out loud anyway.  I did a lot of churchy things.  Went to summer camp, World Changers, choir mission trips, and I saw a lot of cool things, met a lot of interesting people.  I never felt right doing it in the name of Goooood though. I never felt that a religion in which one has to convert others to feel right or do things in the name of some omnipotent being to earn some reward was the correct reason to do it.  (Excuse the run on sentences and getting ahead of myself, I tend to write blogs the way they come into my head, without feeling any real need to edit them.)

So after all of that peppering most of my childhood, I finally stood up to my mother and told her that I couldn't do it anymore.  She threatened fire and brimstone, regretted ever having me and the like.  She even chased me out of the house, but once again, getting ahead of myself.  So eventually I began to take hold of the reigns of my spiritual journey.  I looked into many other avenues of religion and up until now have setled on agnosticism.  Maybe it is because I have simply felt drained and found spirituality to not really be a necessity.  But, I feel as though I have betrayed myself.  I am a highly spiritual person, and I need an outlet.

Here I am again, considering my options.  Here I am, considering Druidry.  I have always felt a strong tie to nature, and I always feel more myself when I'm out in the wilderness, not to mention more inspired.  This is my first step onto this path.  I have researched many of the different ideals of Druidry, even ordered an introductory course from OBOD, though after doing more research, I'm not sure they'll be the best fit.  I'm interested in where this will take me, and if I seem scatterbrained at his point, it's because I am.  I am starting this blog to create a springboard for myself, as a reflection, to see how I learn and grow through this journey.  So that's all I've got so far.  Not sure who I'm justifying this to.