How much is too much granola?

So I've joined ADF.  I am rather excited about it.  They are an offshoot of rDNA with more structure and focus, which I need, especially as such a new pagan.  Well, a new practicing pagan anyway.  I am in an ADF grove called Grove of the Red Earth, which is highly fitting.  I am beginning to follow the dedicant program, which I will really start right after Beltane.   That's the barebones technical part of what I have been doing.

The more interesting part is that I have really started to become aware of many things which I was not before, all of which I find fascinating.  Now when one is part of any earth centered tradition, I feel like it's the earth part that really brings us together.  There is that certain pull to nature that I believe we all feel.  Not sure if I'm one hundred percent correct in that assumption but all of the pagans whom I've met so far have been rather fond of nature. 

Now, I have always had this pull.  I never ignored or quashed it, but I never really did anything with it either.  It is an amazing feeling to finally be putting it all together.  My body and spirit are beginning to speak to each other and work in tandem.  

I once thought that paganism was hokey, a bunch of people wrapped up in fantasy novels and myths, calling themselves names like Goddess Diana Catlover....you know what.....those people do exist.  However, there is a realness to paganism if one manages to get beyond that veil.  There is a wealth of deeply ingrained history and dare I say, magic here.  

It is a shame that many people believe still what I used to about it, and I even have to remember to curb my enthusiasm for it at work and in public because no one understands it, and we all know what not understanding something breeds.  Even as a fledgling, I have been gawked at and laughed off. My own boyfriend even thinks it's funny.  He doesn't seem to want to grasp it, though he asks about it at times.  I don't know if he thinks it's just a phase I'm going through.  I am growing increasingly weary of talking to him about it.  

It's been such a long time since I wrote about this that I have so much to say and not a very eloquent way of saying it, since it's all been so bottled up inside me.

A list of concerns I have:

• Choosing, or being chosen by a deity.
• Am I overanalyzing things as totems? Is everything a totem? 
• When am I talking to myself and when are trees talking? This is becoming increasingly difficult to differentiate, especially in Spring.
• I really agonize over memorizing things, but find it easy to do once I stop agonizing.
• Melding pronoia, druidry, and the everyday into one supersonic self.
• How to balance being inquisitive with listening and just pooling knowledge into myself.
• I have so many ideas!!!
• How to portray my revelations without sounding totally insane.

Current books:

• Pronoia is the Antidote for Paranoia- This book is a blast of sunshine to my face.  If you haven't read it, you should.
• Encyclopedia of Celtic Wisdom: A Celtic Shaman's Sourcebook- there is a lot here.  It takes Celtic Myth and breaks it down into pieces with interpretative explanations.  Interesting, but it hasn't bit into me yet.  Might be a bit above my head for now.
• A lot of the recommended dedicant ADF material, the dedicant manual and a few others.  Will write more about them when I am done perusing them and actually get into reading them.

Also, I really wish there was more material on Gallic mythology. Of course I would be most drawn to the pantheon with least catalogued history.  And Tiamat is still an issue.  Where does my favorite creatrix fit into all of this?  I still have more questions than answers, as usual. 

May we never thirst for the waters of life and always remember that if we don't like it, people might.  

I see you.